


I Want You To Know That I'm Awake (English Version)

by ashtobone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Drama & Romance, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Mentioned Liam Payne, Mentioned Niall Horan, Mentioned Zayn Malik, Minor Niall Horan/Ed Sheeran, POV First Person, POV Louis Tomlinson, Short One Shot, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtobone/pseuds/ashtobone
Summary: Louis and Harry have a long-term relationship and have been facing trouble for some time. In a sleepless night, Louis decides to air out about how he feels and he only hopes Harry is really not awake.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 22





	I Want You To Know That I'm Awake (English Version)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I Want You To Know That I'm Awake • larry oneshot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630897) by [ashtobone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtobone/pseuds/ashtobone). 



> This fic was originally posted in November/2017 on Wattpad. For numerous reasons I’ve taken some time away — away from writing, away from Larry/One Direction, etc.   
> Now, I’ve decided to have a small come back and put some of my previous works into light again. Now, people who’ve read my stories, enjoyed it, supported me while I was publishing them for that first time, will have access to all my works again, here at Ao3.
> 
> I hope my writings are still welcome in this lovely fandom and still bring some joy to the hearts of everyone who decides to read them.

Harry snored beside me with his mouth ajar and our breaths were the only sounds filling up the darkness of our room. It was past 4 a.m. and I still haven't slept more than thirty minutes. I wrapped my arms around his body, cradling myself slowly so as not to wake him and feeling the heat emanating from his bare chest.

The last few months have been difficult for us, but after four years together… Things will not always be as they were in the beginning. Maybe we were tired of the routine, maybe he no longer loved me with the same despair as before, maybe we just haven't actually talked to each other in a long time. I couldn’t tell — and I couldn’t find the answers by myself.

I sighed heavily and felt him shudder in my arms. I looked into his face. Beautiful, peaceful, asleep. Harry is a heavy sleeper, he wouldn't even wake up if an elephant decided to tap dance on our bed, and that was my little piece of security. I rested my head on his body and whispered, my voice on a wire - almost disappearing.

“Feelings should be prohibited. I mean, they just complicate things.” My fingers lightly squeezed the tender flesh just below his ribs, and I went on. “I'm a stubborn, I'm an asshole. There is no dignity in my anger. You are pissed that I cough in your ear all night, I am pissed that you resent all the shit I do, but the fact is, I'm not the type of man who could sleep in someone else's bed. Ever.”

A gust of cold air seeped through the crack in the window, shaking the messy curls on his head and causing a slight chill on my bare arm.

“I love you.” I said again, quietly. “Sometimes” completed.

Harry let out a whisper and I was startled. I looked at his face again, making sure he was still asleep and then resumed my sleepless monologue:

“I love you, but sometimes it's hard to say because I don't know... I can't get things out. I wanted you to know, I wanted you to know that I... that I'm awake. I hope you're really asleep. I don't think I could say looking you in the eye. We barely look each other in the eye.”

A tightness grew in my chest as soon as I realized that, because it was absolutely true.

“No matter what I say, you know.” My voice shook slightly, as I waged an internal struggle to hold back the tears. “No matter what I say, if you never say anything in response, when I try to talk.I end up having to complete the conversation with myself and each time I look even more stupid. I swear I try to make it easy, Hazz. I really strive to find the right words, but it is only a matter of time. You only have so long to capture the feeling before it’s gone.”

Tired of trying to avoid crying, I blinked my eyes hard, releasing the salty liquid that accumulated there. Letting it roll over my cheeks and eventually wet the soft skin I laid on. My mind wandered until days before and I laughed - quietly and sadly.

“Two days ago it was really bad. I couldn't get my head straight all day. Everything you said made me think you were on the edge. You were disappointed and I didn't know why.” I laughed again, clearly remembering what had happened. “Eventually I got it, but I still can't believe we argued over something as stupid as making coffee. You said it had been a mistake to try to help me, but I knew that, at that moment, you weren't just talking about coffee. You turned your back on me and slammed the kitchen door.”

I stroked his arm. My fingertips touching the traces of each one of the tattoos and I felt for his hand - intertwining it in mine. And I continued:

“I drove to a liquor store, which was a mistake because... I didn't want to come back. I just stood there, sitting in the parking lot, while my injured hand was bleeding, leaving a trail of red blossoms on a napkin. I felt sick and didn't know what to do. I just knew I couldn't face you. I remembered the first time I saw you and how at that time I had also tried to hide from you. Now it was completely different.”

I was silent, focused on his breathing and started to think about our friends and how their lives were at the moment. Couples we had known since high school, people who used to be happy together but now… Were falling apart. I instantly rebuked myself for that thought. Harry and I would be together. We would not end up like the others. Four years is a long time, but four years is nothing when you planned to spend the rest of your life with someone.

I pressed him again against my body and whispered against his skin.

“Michael and Luke broke up today, but we are not like them. Niall and Ed broke up a month ago, but we are not like them. Camila and Lauren haven't spoken to each other in a while, but we're not like them.”

I felt Harry's chest sink when he let out a long breath. His hand came up my back, caressing me lightly, while the other tightened his grip on mine.

“ Lou…” He said and I felt a shiver down my spine. His voice deeper than the usual. “Lou, look at me.” 

I just cringed, hugging him even more tightly.

He dipped his fingers in my hair, offering me a touch that we hadn't exchanged in a long time. And then he said:

“Zayn and Liam filed for divorce.” I fidgeted and turned to face him, my heart racing with fear of what was to come. Harry smiled weakly, drying my tears with his thumb, and continued “But we’re not like them.”

I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding, relieved. I saw Harry's smile grow on his face and he touched the tip of my nose.

“You know…” He said, “Even John and Yoko separated for a year, but we’re not like them.”

I laughed quietly looking at his emeralds. How much I missed those eyes, even though they were there all the time. It was dark and my vision was limited, but I still thanked in silence for that moment. Harry was still looking at me smiling slightly and stroking my face.

“Now kiss me, you fool” He said, laughing.

I pushed myself up a little to reach his face and our lips shocked.

It was not a desperate, burning kiss. It was a peaceful kiss, a kiss of affection, a kiss full of longing and requests for forgiveness.

Harry hugged me tightly, sticking his body to me, completely. I felt his cheeks wet. I didn't know if it was the remnants of my own tears, or if he was crying. It didn't matter. The cold wind coming in through the window didn't matter. The shortness of breath in our lungs did not matter.

All that mattered was Harry and me. Our bodies glued together. Our kiss of redemption. There, I knew we would manage. I knew we would be fine, as we were not like the others.

_ We were nothing like them. _


End file.
